Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.  
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

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A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

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A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

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"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".

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A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

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A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

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A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!

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Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

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A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

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Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

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Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.

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Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.

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Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.

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Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.